ryan is named after one of my best friends from high school. since my friend passed away, i've been blessed to be reminded of him every so often, usually when i need some reassurance that everything will be ok. for instance, the day i first had bleeding with ryan, i heard the five for fighting song "superman" playing at TJ Max. given that this was in 2008 and the song hadn't been popular for awhile, i knew it was ryan, letting me know i didn't need to worry. blond haired, blue eyed kiddos in superman shirts tend to show up at the most random times as well (not counting my blond haired blue eyed little dude).
when ryan was first born, as is the case with most preemies, he laid in his isolette with his arms outstretched and bent, as if he was signaling a touchdown. i know in my heart that he had 2 angels standing on either side of him - ryan and my grandma avenarius. i believe all preemies lay that way because they need the help of their special angels.
i've explained to ryan many times that he has 2 special angels. when he lost his balloon outside and it flew up into the sky, i told him it flew to his special angels. when we hear the superman song, i remind him that that means his angels are watching over him.
last night, as i laid next to him in his bed and he was drifting between sleep and awake, he was telling me all about his angels. i couldn't understand most of what he was saying, but it warmed my heart to hear that he knows about his angels and that he is loved. when i relayed the story to michael, he told me that ryan often talks of his angels.
it brings tears to my eyes to know that ryan, on one level or another, understands that these ever-so-special people are part of his life as well.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
twins?!
according to the checkout lady at target, i'm having twins! when i told her that i was quite positive that wasn't the case, she asked if i was sure. i think after upwards of 5 ultrasounds i can pretty confidently say yes.
35 weeks, 6 days pregnant (with ONE baby)
35 weeks, 6 days pregnant (with ONE baby)
nesting without a nest
i will be 36 weeks tomorrow - 1 week away from "full term." my goal was to have everything in place and ready to rock by 32 weeks, 6 days, but with selling the house and moving, that didn't fall into place. the new goal is 36 weeks.
i have lists - a list of dinners, a list for the hospital bag, a list for ryan's bag, a list for what needs to be done, a list for work stuff that needs to be done. a list of lists.
we've been slowly making progress - a load of laundry here, a bag packed there, but still had a lot of things to do as of today. and as i get bigger, my motivation gets smaller and smaller.
it seems i forgot all the important things in storage - 4oz bottles, the bassinet portion of the pack n play (aka baby OP's crib), hooded towels. all that planning, and i forgot the things related to food, bathing, and sleeping. oops! my sister came through on her hooded towels and pack n play and i used a couple of amazon coupons to get more 4oz bottles. if she's anything like her brother, she won't need the for long anyways. and hopefully she'll take to breastfeeding and bottles won't be as much a part of our day to day lives.
today i packed monkey's bag for his sleepover at auntie erin's on may 1st. it was bittersweet packing his big brother shirts into his big boy suitcase. that night will sting a little bit - it will be the last night it's just him. the last night he has 100% of my attention as we eat dinner, take a bath, say our prayers, sing our songs, and cuddle. but bigger and better things are ahead of us. he's so excited to meet his big sister - he's always telling us what she likes (songs) and what she doesn't like, who likes her and who doesn't, and that she makes chocolate (i'm pretty psyched about that!). today he bought her a present - a new blankie and a violet (leapfrog puppy) just like his. on the way home today he told me he was going to snuggle and kiss and sing to his little sister. he's going to be a great big brother and i can't wait to see my little ones together.
next up was cleaning out the top drawer of nightstand. leaky gripe water is icky. we got new tylenol (the target brand cause i'm still mad at target for making me replace all my tylenol!) and gas drops. they are in place and ready to go.
we installed the car seats. i'm not going to lie - 2 car seats in my honda pilot is kind of scary. we moved ryan over to behind the driver and i hope he doesn't freak out. the passenger seat is way up and i look forward to 6 months or so of squished riding. :)
we still have what seems like miles to go - set up the pack n play, set up pumping (i'm going to try to start early to establish a good supply this time), pack my bag, etc. we have 21 rings left on our paper chain until we're a family of 4. (well, 20 rings, ryan took 2 off today)
i have lists - a list of dinners, a list for the hospital bag, a list for ryan's bag, a list for what needs to be done, a list for work stuff that needs to be done. a list of lists.
we've been slowly making progress - a load of laundry here, a bag packed there, but still had a lot of things to do as of today. and as i get bigger, my motivation gets smaller and smaller.
it seems i forgot all the important things in storage - 4oz bottles, the bassinet portion of the pack n play (aka baby OP's crib), hooded towels. all that planning, and i forgot the things related to food, bathing, and sleeping. oops! my sister came through on her hooded towels and pack n play and i used a couple of amazon coupons to get more 4oz bottles. if she's anything like her brother, she won't need the for long anyways. and hopefully she'll take to breastfeeding and bottles won't be as much a part of our day to day lives.
today i packed monkey's bag for his sleepover at auntie erin's on may 1st. it was bittersweet packing his big brother shirts into his big boy suitcase. that night will sting a little bit - it will be the last night it's just him. the last night he has 100% of my attention as we eat dinner, take a bath, say our prayers, sing our songs, and cuddle. but bigger and better things are ahead of us. he's so excited to meet his big sister - he's always telling us what she likes (songs) and what she doesn't like, who likes her and who doesn't, and that she makes chocolate (i'm pretty psyched about that!). today he bought her a present - a new blankie and a violet (leapfrog puppy) just like his. on the way home today he told me he was going to snuggle and kiss and sing to his little sister. he's going to be a great big brother and i can't wait to see my little ones together.
next up was cleaning out the top drawer of nightstand. leaky gripe water is icky. we got new tylenol (the target brand cause i'm still mad at target for making me replace all my tylenol!) and gas drops. they are in place and ready to go.
we installed the car seats. i'm not going to lie - 2 car seats in my honda pilot is kind of scary. we moved ryan over to behind the driver and i hope he doesn't freak out. the passenger seat is way up and i look forward to 6 months or so of squished riding. :)
we still have what seems like miles to go - set up the pack n play, set up pumping (i'm going to try to start early to establish a good supply this time), pack my bag, etc. we have 21 rings left on our paper chain until we're a family of 4. (well, 20 rings, ryan took 2 off today)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
35 weeks
Pregnancy: 35 weeks
Weight Gain: i weighed myself once since the last OB appointment. it scared me, so i'm in the denial stage now.
Sleep: this takes tired to a whole new level...
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: anxious. 3 weeks and 6 days from now i'll have 2 kiddos. there is a lot to do between now and then!
Cravings: raspberry sundaes from culvers
Health: good, although i'm in way more pain than i thought i would be. apparently my body didn't get the memo that it doesn't need to widen for birth. oh well, the days are numbered!
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: i honestly think that it's going to sound like a balloon popping when they cut into me.
Next Appointment: april 6th. i will be 35 weeks, 2 days. they're calling it my 34 week appointment....
Weight Gain: i weighed myself once since the last OB appointment. it scared me, so i'm in the denial stage now.
Sleep: this takes tired to a whole new level...
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: anxious. 3 weeks and 6 days from now i'll have 2 kiddos. there is a lot to do between now and then!
Cravings: raspberry sundaes from culvers
Health: good, although i'm in way more pain than i thought i would be. apparently my body didn't get the memo that it doesn't need to widen for birth. oh well, the days are numbered!
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: i honestly think that it's going to sound like a balloon popping when they cut into me.
Next Appointment: april 6th. i will be 35 weeks, 2 days. they're calling it my 34 week appointment....
Saturday, April 02, 2011
random stuff
today has been painful. my stomach hurts. my butt hurts. my neck hurts. everything hurts. putting my shoes on is a joke. i have found myself wishing for warmer weather, just so i can wear slip on shoes! but alas, 4 weeks more to go. i foresee much more time on the couch in the near future.....
this weekend has been awesome. scott and jess (www.scottandjessica.net) came to visit and have our annual tax party. they got in at dinner time last night and we enjoyed some great company, complete with conversations about the judical retention election in iowa. this morning we drove around and looked at the lots we like (still no decision on whether we'll be able to get the lot we have an accepted offer for!), which was doubly productive as michael thought our 2nd choice lot was actually totally different than the lot that is actually our 2nd choice. lunch at la fuente (can't go wrong there!), watched tangled while monkey slept, played in scott's TT, and did some sliding. good times with lots of laughs. kind of makes me miss college. :)
ryan has been amazing. he's in a great mood and it's been awesome. tonight he hung out with me when i was taking a bath (trying to ease the pain!) and we sang and talked and had a great time. afterwards, he climbed in with me to get clean and we had quite the splashfest. he kept dumping cups of water over my head. it was a mess, but there was no way i was going to stop him. that's what pure joy feels like.
one final thought - as i was sitting around the other day, i was contemplating bringing the baby home from the hospital. is it better to have ryan home or to have ryan at daycare so we can get settled? i thought about how exciting it would be for us to go to the hospital and bring home his little sister. i was picturing everything in my head. until i remembered that babies generally come home with their mommies - i'm not going to be here to go to the hospital with him. i'm not going to come home and then go back to get my baby.
this weekend has been awesome. scott and jess (www.scottandjessica.net) came to visit and have our annual tax party. they got in at dinner time last night and we enjoyed some great company, complete with conversations about the judical retention election in iowa. this morning we drove around and looked at the lots we like (still no decision on whether we'll be able to get the lot we have an accepted offer for!), which was doubly productive as michael thought our 2nd choice lot was actually totally different than the lot that is actually our 2nd choice. lunch at la fuente (can't go wrong there!), watched tangled while monkey slept, played in scott's TT, and did some sliding. good times with lots of laughs. kind of makes me miss college. :)
ryan has been amazing. he's in a great mood and it's been awesome. tonight he hung out with me when i was taking a bath (trying to ease the pain!) and we sang and talked and had a great time. afterwards, he climbed in with me to get clean and we had quite the splashfest. he kept dumping cups of water over my head. it was a mess, but there was no way i was going to stop him. that's what pure joy feels like.
one final thought - as i was sitting around the other day, i was contemplating bringing the baby home from the hospital. is it better to have ryan home or to have ryan at daycare so we can get settled? i thought about how exciting it would be for us to go to the hospital and bring home his little sister. i was picturing everything in my head. until i remembered that babies generally come home with their mommies - i'm not going to be here to go to the hospital with him. i'm not going to come home and then go back to get my baby.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
34 weeks
Pregnancy: 34 weeks
Weight Gain: i gained 10lbs between 28 and 32 weeks! holy bologna! i'm up 5lbs overall.
Sleep: i'm tired. a lot. but generally sleeping pretty well.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: anxious. i can't believe she's coming in less than 5 weeks. 5 weeks sounds so much less than 6.
Cravings: raspberry sundaes from culvers
Health: good
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: way bigger than i ever was with ryan. all sorts of strangers are asking when i'm due. and one kid at volunteer taxes that asked if i was pregnant. i should have said no. :)
Next Appointment: april 6th. i will be 35 weeks, 2 days. they're calling it my 34 week appointment....
Weight Gain: i gained 10lbs between 28 and 32 weeks! holy bologna! i'm up 5lbs overall.
Sleep: i'm tired. a lot. but generally sleeping pretty well.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: anxious. i can't believe she's coming in less than 5 weeks. 5 weeks sounds so much less than 6.
Cravings: raspberry sundaes from culvers
Health: good
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: way bigger than i ever was with ryan. all sorts of strangers are asking when i'm due. and one kid at volunteer taxes that asked if i was pregnant. i should have said no. :)
Next Appointment: april 6th. i will be 35 weeks, 2 days. they're calling it my 34 week appointment....
hope
i think the root of my OCD fears is lack of control. vomiting and other bodily functions are largely involuntary - they are hard to predict and even harder to control. i like to be in control. therefore, it freaks me out.
my OCD has been considerably worse since having ryan. when you think about it, it makes sense - my body, without any warning and completely unpredictably, began bleeding excessively. then my gallbladder failed and caused me pain like i had never known, again completely unpredictably. then my gallbladder surgery caused disruptions with my digestive track which made the next 8 months very difficult. in less than a year, i went from a fairly healthy person to having all sorts of difficult, painful, unpredictable medical issues. (disclaimer - i know that my conditions are all very minimal in comparison to the issues others face every day. my descriptoin of the conditions as difficult are in relationship to their affect on my OCD)
in the last few months of my pregnancy, i have felt my symptoms getting worse. there is residual trauma from ryan's stomach bug earlier this winter. i find myself watching him very carefully, looking for signs that he is going to be sick. is he eating normally? is he acting normal? is he burping more than usual? coughing more than usual? and he's taken to telling me his stomach hurts and then smiling - now that's what i call exposure therapy! it breaks my heart - i'm scared of my kid. i have to stop myself from running away. i am scared to lay next to him, sit next to him, cuddle him. i do it anyways and michael kindly reminds me that ryan has no idea, but that's not the point. i'm his mom and i should willingly be there to comfort him in all situations.
despite the fact that the symptoms are worsening, there is nothing i can do. i can't take my "emergency pill." i can't up my meds. therapy has proven largely ineffective. so i'm trying something new - acupuncture. will it work? is it all just a bunch of hocus pocus? how exactly is looking at my tongue going to help anything? i don't know. i know that i can't describe my OCD without tearing up. and i know that i owe it to myself, michael, ryan, and baby OP to try everything i can to return to normalcy.
so here's to hope - hope that i can beat this.
my OCD has been considerably worse since having ryan. when you think about it, it makes sense - my body, without any warning and completely unpredictably, began bleeding excessively. then my gallbladder failed and caused me pain like i had never known, again completely unpredictably. then my gallbladder surgery caused disruptions with my digestive track which made the next 8 months very difficult. in less than a year, i went from a fairly healthy person to having all sorts of difficult, painful, unpredictable medical issues. (disclaimer - i know that my conditions are all very minimal in comparison to the issues others face every day. my descriptoin of the conditions as difficult are in relationship to their affect on my OCD)
in the last few months of my pregnancy, i have felt my symptoms getting worse. there is residual trauma from ryan's stomach bug earlier this winter. i find myself watching him very carefully, looking for signs that he is going to be sick. is he eating normally? is he acting normal? is he burping more than usual? coughing more than usual? and he's taken to telling me his stomach hurts and then smiling - now that's what i call exposure therapy! it breaks my heart - i'm scared of my kid. i have to stop myself from running away. i am scared to lay next to him, sit next to him, cuddle him. i do it anyways and michael kindly reminds me that ryan has no idea, but that's not the point. i'm his mom and i should willingly be there to comfort him in all situations.
despite the fact that the symptoms are worsening, there is nothing i can do. i can't take my "emergency pill." i can't up my meds. therapy has proven largely ineffective. so i'm trying something new - acupuncture. will it work? is it all just a bunch of hocus pocus? how exactly is looking at my tongue going to help anything? i don't know. i know that i can't describe my OCD without tearing up. and i know that i owe it to myself, michael, ryan, and baby OP to try everything i can to return to normalcy.
so here's to hope - hope that i can beat this.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
32 weeks, 6 days, 20 hours, and 12 minutes
at 8:12pm tonight, march 20th, 2011, i will officially be more pregnant than i have ever been. while some moms may look at this milestone as a nuisance, i couldn't be happier. i couldn't be happier that my tailbone hurts when i walk. i couldn't be happier that the cup of macaroni and cheese i had for dinner felt like a 4 course meal in my already swollen belly. i couldn't be happier that i'm not sleeping as well, but am exhausted almost all the time. because my baby girl, tonight, at 8:12pm, will have been inside of me for longer than ryan had the opportunity to be.
every single moment counts. every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second gives my baby a better chance of avoiding all of the problems we saw with ryan - the reflux, the immature lungs, the (temporary) concern over weight gain and developmental milestones.
i've been watching the clock all day - remember where i was, what i was doing, how i was feeling. at 1pm, i remembered calling michael - i was crying so hard i could barely speak. at 6pm, i remembered sending michael to get the pups and take them to daycare for the night. at 7pm, i remembered the contractions starting and being very quickly rushed to the OR for an emergency c-section. my how things are different this time. this time, i'm sitting on the couch, having spent the evening eating mac n cheese and watching monsters inc with my cranky, decided-to-skip-a-nap 2 year old.
this is the point at which their stories diverge. the point at which i have no idea what i'm doing, regardless of the 2 year old i'm chasing.
in honor of this day, this hour, this minute, i ask that you consider donating to the march of dimes march for babies. the walk will take place on april 30th. obviously i won't be walking/waddling, but michael and ryan will be! i i'll likely hang out back at the start and do some volunteering. :) our team website is http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1534699. this year we are asking people to make a donation of $32 - a $1 celebration for each week i was pregnant with ryan and now have been pregnant with his little sister.
every single moment counts. every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second gives my baby a better chance of avoiding all of the problems we saw with ryan - the reflux, the immature lungs, the (temporary) concern over weight gain and developmental milestones.
i've been watching the clock all day - remember where i was, what i was doing, how i was feeling. at 1pm, i remembered calling michael - i was crying so hard i could barely speak. at 6pm, i remembered sending michael to get the pups and take them to daycare for the night. at 7pm, i remembered the contractions starting and being very quickly rushed to the OR for an emergency c-section. my how things are different this time. this time, i'm sitting on the couch, having spent the evening eating mac n cheese and watching monsters inc with my cranky, decided-to-skip-a-nap 2 year old.
this is the point at which their stories diverge. the point at which i have no idea what i'm doing, regardless of the 2 year old i'm chasing.
in honor of this day, this hour, this minute, i ask that you consider donating to the march of dimes march for babies. the walk will take place on april 30th. obviously i won't be walking/waddling, but michael and ryan will be! i i'll likely hang out back at the start and do some volunteering. :) our team website is http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1534699. this year we are asking people to make a donation of $32 - a $1 celebration for each week i was pregnant with ryan and now have been pregnant with his little sister.
Friday, March 11, 2011
31 weeks
Pregnancy: 31 weeks
Weight Gain: this weight gain brought to you by the girl scouts of america...
Sleep: sleeping, but still tired. ryan's not a big fan of mommy sleeping in.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: emotional, hormonal, moody, nostalgic, all sorts of fun over here!
Cravings: and we've moved on to egg salad sandwiches for lunch
Health: good, although my stomach has been hurting quite a bit lately. apparently i'm stretching.
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: way bigger than i ever was with ryan. all sorts of strangers are asking when i'm due.
Next Appointment: march 18th
Weight Gain: this weight gain brought to you by the girl scouts of america...
Sleep: sleeping, but still tired. ryan's not a big fan of mommy sleeping in.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: emotional, hormonal, moody, nostalgic, all sorts of fun over here!
Cravings: and we've moved on to egg salad sandwiches for lunch
Health: good, although my stomach has been hurting quite a bit lately. apparently i'm stretching.
Movement: lots and lots!
Belly: way bigger than i ever was with ryan. all sorts of strangers are asking when i'm due.
Next Appointment: march 18th
Friday, March 04, 2011
dreams
last night i had a dream that i was almost 36 weeks pregnant. i was standing in our bathroom, looking in the mirror, and thinking to myself that i could actually go into labor at any time. it was the first time that i, awake or sleeping, considered the possibility of actually going into labor. strange for someone who has already had a child.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
30 weeks
Pregnancy: 30 weeks
Weight Gain: i'm thinking i've gained some, but whatever.
Sleep: same, it seems i need much more nowadays though. exhaustion sucks!
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: emotional. the house stuff is really getting to me and taking it's toll on my mood. i've also been nesting a ton, i figured i should get some stuff together before this baby comes to live with us in our tiny apartment!
Cravings: peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwichs and doritos for lunch. every day.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan! and the rib pain that comes with it is awful!
Belly: picture an elephant. that's pretty much me.
Next Appointment: march 18th
Weight Gain: i'm thinking i've gained some, but whatever.
Sleep: same, it seems i need much more nowadays though. exhaustion sucks!
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: emotional. the house stuff is really getting to me and taking it's toll on my mood. i've also been nesting a ton, i figured i should get some stuff together before this baby comes to live with us in our tiny apartment!
Cravings: peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwichs and doritos for lunch. every day.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan! and the rib pain that comes with it is awful!
Belly: picture an elephant. that's pretty much me.
Next Appointment: march 18th
Monday, February 21, 2011
29 weeks
Pregnancy: 29 weeks
Weight Gain: no idea. the scale is in an inconvenient place and at this point, i couldn't care less.
Sleep: same, although i cut down on my apple juice/water mix at night and that's helping me to not get up 100 times.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: i went to the chiropractor today and that was great. other than that, i'm doing pretty good. leaning forward makes my belly hurt a bit, but i suppose that's to be expected.
Cravings: nothing really.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan!
Belly: picture an elephant. that's pretty much me.
Next Appointment: march 18th for my 32w appointment, although i'll technically be 32w4d. that's weird because my appointments are always on mondays, which is the day i "level-up". with ryan, my apppointment was at 32w5d and i went to the hospital from the doctors. not this time little one, not this time!
Weight Gain: no idea. the scale is in an inconvenient place and at this point, i couldn't care less.
Sleep: same, although i cut down on my apple juice/water mix at night and that's helping me to not get up 100 times.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: i went to the chiropractor today and that was great. other than that, i'm doing pretty good. leaning forward makes my belly hurt a bit, but i suppose that's to be expected.
Cravings: nothing really.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan!
Belly: picture an elephant. that's pretty much me.
Next Appointment: march 18th for my 32w appointment, although i'll technically be 32w4d. that's weird because my appointments are always on mondays, which is the day i "level-up". with ryan, my apppointment was at 32w5d and i went to the hospital from the doctors. not this time little one, not this time!
mirror image
when i was pretty young (less than 5 i would guess), my family and i were on vacation with my grandparents. mom took me swimming and was helping me float on my back. she wanted to get grandma and grandpa and show them, but i told her no. she kept pushing and i told her that if she made me do it again, i'd puke in the pool. she decided to test me and found grandma and grandpa. cue the puke.
ryan looks exactly like me and even more like my dad. his personality mirrors both of us in ways that are oftentimes spooky. his facial expressions, mannerisms, and the way he says things are very familiar. as it turns out, he also gets a very, very strong stubbornly opinionated streak from us.
ryan loves his crocs. he has mickey crocs, dino crocs (which might actually be dragons), fleecy crocs, and packer crocs. he takes them off and puts on a different pair lots of times during the day. this morning, it was snowy and so i suggested that we perhaps wear his "stomp stomp" shoes (his light-up tennis shoes). i began the conversation before we even put on our clothes (a robot shirt beacuse all the puppy shirts are in the laundry), explaining that it was snowy and i didn't want his piggies to get wet and that i would put his mickey shoes in his bag and he could put the on as soon as we got to daycare. and then i tried to put the shoes on. cue the craziness.
i put his shoes on not once, not twice, but no less than 20 times. he took them off every.single.time, often before i could get both on. he was crying to the point he was coughing and drooling. finally, i managed to get both on, stood him up, put his coat (not fleece, he won't wear the fleece) and hat (not the green hat, god forbid, the superman hat) and ran into the bedroom to grab my phone. by the time i got back, he had removed his tennis shoes, gotten his mickey shoes out of the bag and put them on.
i wasn't expecting a mild-mannered, passive child. neither michael nor i are like that. but i wasn't expecting to see such determination at such a young age. i imagine, someday soon, that he and i will go to blows again. and god only knows who will win the next time. or the next, or the next, or the next.
ryan looks exactly like me and even more like my dad. his personality mirrors both of us in ways that are oftentimes spooky. his facial expressions, mannerisms, and the way he says things are very familiar. as it turns out, he also gets a very, very strong stubbornly opinionated streak from us.
ryan loves his crocs. he has mickey crocs, dino crocs (which might actually be dragons), fleecy crocs, and packer crocs. he takes them off and puts on a different pair lots of times during the day. this morning, it was snowy and so i suggested that we perhaps wear his "stomp stomp" shoes (his light-up tennis shoes). i began the conversation before we even put on our clothes (a robot shirt beacuse all the puppy shirts are in the laundry), explaining that it was snowy and i didn't want his piggies to get wet and that i would put his mickey shoes in his bag and he could put the on as soon as we got to daycare. and then i tried to put the shoes on. cue the craziness.
i put his shoes on not once, not twice, but no less than 20 times. he took them off every.single.time, often before i could get both on. he was crying to the point he was coughing and drooling. finally, i managed to get both on, stood him up, put his coat (not fleece, he won't wear the fleece) and hat (not the green hat, god forbid, the superman hat) and ran into the bedroom to grab my phone. by the time i got back, he had removed his tennis shoes, gotten his mickey shoes out of the bag and put them on.
i wasn't expecting a mild-mannered, passive child. neither michael nor i are like that. but i wasn't expecting to see such determination at such a young age. i imagine, someday soon, that he and i will go to blows again. and god only knows who will win the next time. or the next, or the next, or the next.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
28 weeks
hello 3rd trimester! we're living in the apartment full time now and only have a few things left at the house. our closing date is officially the 25th and everything is set. we're focused on choosing a builder and a lot and hopefully will be off and running soon! i have no idea where we're going to put this baby when she comes!
Pregnancy: 28 weeks
Weight Gain: i gained 4lbs this month, which puts me at a whopping negative 4 lbs this pregnancy.
Sleep: same, lots of nighttime trips to the bathroom
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: my ribs hurt. my hips hurt. my stomach hurts. i'm tired. taking the dogs out is difficult. playing with ryan is difficult. rolling over is difficult. but i'm psyched that it looks like i'm going to have to deal with 11 more weeks of this - no preemie for me this time!
Cravings: i'm thinking that 4lb weight gain is due mostly to snickers pb squares.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan!
Belly: lots of strangers have been asking when i'm due, which i love because i didn't really get that with ryan.
Next Appointment: i need to set my appt, but it will be at 32 weeks. it's a bit bittersweet as my 32 week appointment was the last one i made it to with ryan. let's hope there are many more after that.
Pregnancy: 28 weeks
Weight Gain: i gained 4lbs this month, which puts me at a whopping negative 4 lbs this pregnancy.
Sleep: same, lots of nighttime trips to the bathroom
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :)
Feeling: my ribs hurt. my hips hurt. my stomach hurts. i'm tired. taking the dogs out is difficult. playing with ryan is difficult. rolling over is difficult. but i'm psyched that it looks like i'm going to have to deal with 11 more weeks of this - no preemie for me this time!
Cravings: i'm thinking that 4lb weight gain is due mostly to snickers pb squares.
Health: good
Movement: she moves so much more than ryan!
Belly: lots of strangers have been asking when i'm due, which i love because i didn't really get that with ryan.
Next Appointment: i need to set my appt, but it will be at 32 weeks. it's a bit bittersweet as my 32 week appointment was the last one i made it to with ryan. let's hope there are many more after that.
Monday, February 14, 2011
romance
valentines day. i've never really been a fan. it stung a little when i was single and i never really got into it once i met michael. today's activities included michael staying home in the morning due to a sinus infection, my 28 week OB appointment, and scallops for dinner (which is my favorite meal). it will probably finish with us watching the rest of get him to the greek and going to bed around 9. but i don't mind. in fact, i like it this way. because i realize now, more than ever, that romance goes so far beyond what any person could do in one day.
romance isn't going on google to figure out what amazing plans you can make to impress your significant other. it's in the details. it's the fact that michael knew i would be pleased as punch to get a filing cabinet for christmas. it's the fact that he knows when i'm feeling anxious before i even say anything. it's in looking at his eyes when he looks at ryan. it's knowing that he's as excited as me for our new baby girl to arrive. it's in the way he asks me if we should iron the sheets every.single.time we change them.
we're lucky to have found each other and even luckier that we realized what we had was different. i love that guy.
romance isn't going on google to figure out what amazing plans you can make to impress your significant other. it's in the details. it's the fact that michael knew i would be pleased as punch to get a filing cabinet for christmas. it's the fact that he knows when i'm feeling anxious before i even say anything. it's in looking at his eyes when he looks at ryan. it's knowing that he's as excited as me for our new baby girl to arrive. it's in the way he asks me if we should iron the sheets every.single.time we change them.
we're lucky to have found each other and even luckier that we realized what we had was different. i love that guy.
Monday, February 07, 2011
27 weeks
we toured the birthing center this weekend and got a lot of good info. we're at a different hospital this time, so we wanted to see how things would go. they showed us the amazing birthing suites, only to tell us that the C-section people don't get ot use those. oh well, i don't have to sit around in labor for a long time, so i suppose it all works out.
Pregnancy: 27 weeks
Weight Gain: same 'ol, same 'ol.
Sleep: same, lots of nighttime trips to the bathroom
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: suddenly i feel very pregnant. i can pack for about 5 minutes before feeling like i got hit by a bus. my ribs have also been expanding, which is not at all comfortable!
Cravings: still loving snickers PB squares and froot loops
Health: overall pretty good.
Movement: she's been moving and shaking in there. michael is starting to get to experience it as well.
Belly: it's suddenly a lot bigger! and hard!
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. holy bologna - 28 weeks?! how did that happen?!
Pregnancy: 27 weeks
Weight Gain: same 'ol, same 'ol.
Sleep: same, lots of nighttime trips to the bathroom
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: suddenly i feel very pregnant. i can pack for about 5 minutes before feeling like i got hit by a bus. my ribs have also been expanding, which is not at all comfortable!
Cravings: still loving snickers PB squares and froot loops
Health: overall pretty good.
Movement: she's been moving and shaking in there. michael is starting to get to experience it as well.
Belly: it's suddenly a lot bigger! and hard!
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. holy bologna - 28 weeks?! how did that happen?!
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
26 weeks
yesterday marked exactly 90 days until baby OP joins our family. and 11 days until we move for the 1st time. i'm so excited about all the changes that are coming, even if it's a bit overwhelming in the meantime.
Pregnancy: 26 weeks
Weight Gain: same 'ol, same 'ol.
Sleep: same, although i'm getting up a couple of times a night to use the restroom.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: frankly, i'm exhausted. between chasing ryan, working, and trying to get ready for 2 moves, i'm pooped.
Cravings: right now i'm a big fan of snickers pb squares and froot loops.
Health: my nose is stuffy and runny, but i can't complain - it's way better than it has been!
Movement: she's been moving and shaking in there. michael is starting to get to experience it as well.
Belly: i feel like an elephant
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. holy bologna - 28 weeks?! how did that happen?!
Pregnancy: 26 weeks
Weight Gain: same 'ol, same 'ol.
Sleep: same, although i'm getting up a couple of times a night to use the restroom.
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: frankly, i'm exhausted. between chasing ryan, working, and trying to get ready for 2 moves, i'm pooped.
Cravings: right now i'm a big fan of snickers pb squares and froot loops.
Health: my nose is stuffy and runny, but i can't complain - it's way better than it has been!
Movement: she's been moving and shaking in there. michael is starting to get to experience it as well.
Belly: i feel like an elephant
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. holy bologna - 28 weeks?! how did that happen?!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
25 weeks
ok, so now it's starting to seem real. i can't believe we're already 25 weeks. things go so much faster with the second one. i don't have time to sit aroun and ponder the upcoming changes. and with moving added in, there's just so much to do!
Pregnancy: 25 weeks
Weight Gain: who knows at this point!
Sleep: same
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: much better this week.
Cravings: nothing too much. honestly, my appetite has been crap since i got sick.
Health: still no more bleeding! hooray!!!! fingers crossed that it stays that way.
Movement: i can see it on the outside now. she likes to hide from michael though!
Belly: getting bigger by the day. i'm definitely growing more "out" with her, while i was more wide with ryan. i did have someone tell me i was "tiny" for 24 weeks. i've never had anyone say i was tiny anywhere!
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. although i get to go in for my gestational diabetes test a week before that. hooray!
Pregnancy: 25 weeks
Weight Gain: who knows at this point!
Sleep: same
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: much better this week.
Cravings: nothing too much. honestly, my appetite has been crap since i got sick.
Health: still no more bleeding! hooray!!!! fingers crossed that it stays that way.
Movement: i can see it on the outside now. she likes to hide from michael though!
Belly: getting bigger by the day. i'm definitely growing more "out" with her, while i was more wide with ryan. i did have someone tell me i was "tiny" for 24 weeks. i've never had anyone say i was tiny anywhere!
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. although i get to go in for my gestational diabetes test a week before that. hooray!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
mixed emotions
we sold our house. finally. after almost an entire year on the market. we are going to build - a dream michael and i have shared since we lived in colorado. we are going to have plenty of space - a room for each of the kids, a guest room/bath, a playroom, an office, a garage that both cars fit in comfortably, enough space to host family events. i can actually picture hosting thanksgiving in our new dining room. we are going to settle into our brand new house as a brand new family of 6 and i can't wait to finally relax and enjoy life.
i never loved this house. it wasn't the "you'll know it when you see it" house - it was the "oh crap, our lease is up and this house will work" house. we saw potential, lots of potential. and i think we really worked to make this house meet its potential. unfortunately, even dollar we spent (and then some - well, a lot) disappeared when the market crashed. we've been looking to get out since we got in. i hate the fact that the floors creek. i hate the fact that there are mice in the basement. i hate that there isn't enough room for guests. i hate all sorts of things.
but this is our 1st house. ryan's room has always held a special place in my heart. when we toured the house, i could see how it would look when it was set up for our baby. i cried when we were going through infertility treatments and i wasn't sure if that room would be a reality. i was elated when we finally got to purchase the bedding and paint for our baby. i was devastated when i thought i wouldn't be able to finish decorating because i was on bedrest. i sat in the middle of the room and sobbed as i painted listening to ben folds "the luckiest." i sat in ryan's cuddle chair and pumped for 26 days, angry that i didn't have my baby boy home with me. i sat in the cuddle chair and watched him sleep more times than i can count. i held him in that room on his 1st and 2nd birthdays, at the exact moment of his birth, and remembered it all. michael and i laid on the floor with ryan and laughed till we cried as ryan "fed" us his milk and juice.
there were a lot of great moments here and on some level or another i'll miss this place. but, there are new memories to be made and new moments to be shared. and this time with a little more space. :)
i never loved this house. it wasn't the "you'll know it when you see it" house - it was the "oh crap, our lease is up and this house will work" house. we saw potential, lots of potential. and i think we really worked to make this house meet its potential. unfortunately, even dollar we spent (and then some - well, a lot) disappeared when the market crashed. we've been looking to get out since we got in. i hate the fact that the floors creek. i hate the fact that there are mice in the basement. i hate that there isn't enough room for guests. i hate all sorts of things.
but this is our 1st house. ryan's room has always held a special place in my heart. when we toured the house, i could see how it would look when it was set up for our baby. i cried when we were going through infertility treatments and i wasn't sure if that room would be a reality. i was elated when we finally got to purchase the bedding and paint for our baby. i was devastated when i thought i wouldn't be able to finish decorating because i was on bedrest. i sat in the middle of the room and sobbed as i painted listening to ben folds "the luckiest." i sat in ryan's cuddle chair and pumped for 26 days, angry that i didn't have my baby boy home with me. i sat in the cuddle chair and watched him sleep more times than i can count. i held him in that room on his 1st and 2nd birthdays, at the exact moment of his birth, and remembered it all. michael and i laid on the floor with ryan and laughed till we cried as ryan "fed" us his milk and juice.
there were a lot of great moments here and on some level or another i'll miss this place. but, there are new memories to be made and new moments to be shared. and this time with a little more space. :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
24 weeks!
Pregnancy: 24 weeks
Weight Gain: scratch the close to pre-preg weight thing - i'm down 8lbs total.
Sleep: my hips hurt! i keep getting shakira's hips don't lie in my head....
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: ok, this last week was no joke! i got the flu. you know, the one that you get the flu shot to prevent? apparently i got one of the non-covered 3 strains. boo! fevers and achiness suck. :( finally feeling better today!
Cravings: nothing too much. honestly, my appetite has been crap since i got sick.
Health: still no more bleeding! hooray!!!! fingers crossed that it stays that way.
Movement: definitely getting stronger. she's completely oblivious to the fact that i'm sick. i think she's partying in there! :)
Belly: getting bigger by the day. i'm definitely growing more "out" with her, while i was more wide with ryan.
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. although i get to go in for my gestational diabetes test a week before that. hooray!
Weight Gain: scratch the close to pre-preg weight thing - i'm down 8lbs total.
Sleep: my hips hurt! i keep getting shakira's hips don't lie in my head....
Gender: Girl!!!
Name: she has a name, which everyone will learn on may 2nd. :) ryan is getting very good with the name now and recognizes that it's his baby sister. super cute.
Feeling: ok, this last week was no joke! i got the flu. you know, the one that you get the flu shot to prevent? apparently i got one of the non-covered 3 strains. boo! fevers and achiness suck. :( finally feeling better today!
Cravings: nothing too much. honestly, my appetite has been crap since i got sick.
Health: still no more bleeding! hooray!!!! fingers crossed that it stays that way.
Movement: definitely getting stronger. she's completely oblivious to the fact that i'm sick. i think she's partying in there! :)
Belly: getting bigger by the day. i'm definitely growing more "out" with her, while i was more wide with ryan.
Next Appointment: valentines day for my 28 week appointment. although i get to go in for my gestational diabetes test a week before that. hooray!
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