week 1 - day 1

one of my "by the time i turn 31" goals is to run a 5k. being pregnant, especially high risk, derailed that plan a bit. but now that i'm 8 weeks postpartum, i'm back on the bandwagon.

i plan to check in after every workout. accountability and stuff. i was going to include a weight diary, but then i remembered that losing weight is not my goal (although it would be a welcomed side effect) - my goal is to be healthy and fit. so instead i took my picture in the mirror and will take an updated picture each week.

i'm going with the couch to 5k program. week 1 is a 5 minute warm up, 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking. sounds easy, eh? yeah, not so much.

i was going to spend today hydrating and then start tomorrow, but realized it's time to be done with excuses and procrastination. and i spent a bunch of money on a rocking jogging stroller and some good sports bras, so it's too late to change my mind! i loaded up ellen in the stroller (with adequate head support of course) and off we went to run and get monkey from daycare.

the first interval sucked. hard. i swear, i could feel my butt jiggling. it almost seemed as if it would hit the sidewalk. ick. i also learned that i tend to lean on the jogging stroller, which is a problem when my cargo only weighs about 9lbs. no more leaning!

i made it through all 8 intervals. for comparisons sake, the first time i started the program (last summer), i could only make it through 5 intervals the first day. was it hard? you bet. but i did it. i ended feeling energized and proud of myself.
the first step is the hardest - onto day 2!

stupid.

the other day ryan called me stupid. i was in the kitchen getting him some milk or juice and he just all of a sudden said "mommy, you stupid." out of no where. we weren't fighting, i hadn't just told him no. it came across as nothing more than an observation.
my immediate reaction was "how dare he call me stupid!" then i thought about it. mean, yes. wrong, maybe not.
i don't know if i've ever been legitimately called stupid. i've always excelled in academic situations and have always been at the top of the class. but here i was, standing in the kitchen, completely offended by a 2 year old.
sure, i can do individual income taxes in my sleep. i discuss rules of evidence while watching legal shows with michael. i once created a 2 variable algebra equation to figure out the optimal amount of formula to buy with my coupons. i can read a book in record time. i have a ton of degrees. i can calculate shareholder basis in section 351 situations.
yet ryan doesn't care about any of that. all he knows is that i'm his mommy. and to him, i'm sure i do come across as stupid sometimes. i can't even count the amount of times i've looked at one of my kids and the only thing i could say was "i got nothin'."
i have no idea how to get ryan to stop turning into a crazy person about once a week. i took ellen to urgent care about 2 hours after we got home from the hospital because i was worried about her breathing, only to find out she was 100% fine. i've said things i shouldn't, done things i shouldn't, and not done things i should have.
i've made my mistakes, but i'm trying the best i can. in the meantime, i imagine this isn't the last time ryan (or ellen for that matter) will think i'm stupid.
PS. i did explain to ryan that "stupid" is a naughty word and that it hurt mommy's feelings. he also got a time out. a few days later, he started to call michael stupid and caught himself mid-word and stopped. success!