progress

i am done being crazy. i am done freaking out every time one of the kids coughs. and, now that i'm done breastfeeding, i can pursue other options for treatment. i have been accepted into an outpatient treatment program through rogers memorial hospital. as it turns out, a nationally recognized OCD treatment program is in my backyard. well, oconomowoc, but still pretty close. and they opened another campus even closer, which is a big deal given that the program is quite intensive. i will undergo talk and exposure therapy, as well as drug management, 3 hours a day, 4 days a week,, for 3-5 weeks. i am excited and scared at the same time. i know this isn't going to be an easy road. but, at the same time, this is the first time i will have the experience of getting help from people that are experienced with my type of illness. my OCD doesn't present typically - i don't have rituals or "normal" triggers. i don't wash my hands a thousand times a day and i'm not freaked out by tangible things. i'm freaked out by situations which i imagine will be hard to replicate. i am anxious to see how they handle it. i also took the opportunity to see a hypnotist. i found him on livingsocial and we have met once. we did a relaxation session and i believe i was hypnotized, which surprised me. i figured that someone with control issues would have a hard time. we are meeting again on friday to work through the OCD stuff and see if we can make any progress. i am hopeful that this is the beginning of the end. i am hopeful that someday soon i can live my life without constant worry and anxiety.

The End

after 1 year and 12 days, i am done breastfeeding. it is bittersweet. it was hard. it hurt like nothing i've ever experienced. it was inconvenient. it was exhausting. but it was my time with my little girl. my time to sit with her and watch her big blue eyes. i will miss my special time with her, but i am happy to finally have my body back 100%!