Thursday, October 18, 2012

Screw this

ryan woke up with a fever this morning and was complaining that his head hurt. i dosed him up with ibuprofen and put him in bed to watch tv while i got some work done. then i remembered that headache + fever can mean meningitis. cue the momma freak out. i called the doctor (which i had to do anyways as he was supposed to have his flu shot tonight. which was reschedule from last month when he had a fever) and they suggested i bring him in. i felt kind of silly, but i figure my ego is way less important than being wrong about something that big. he's fine. i get 1 ridiculous doctor appointment a year and i think i just spent it. as long as i keep meds in him, he does fine and is in a surprisingly good mood. other than the brief periods of achiness and chills that he has when the meds wear off, we've had a great time today. michael brought ellen home and she was surprisingly cuddly. normally that would increase my anxiety (sucks that i can't enjoy some cuddles, eh?), but given we just had the stomach bug last week, i thought we were safe. thought. i was on the phone and i heard an "oh no" and michael called for me saying ellen threw up. the jury's still out on whether her tummy is upset or whether she put too much food in her mouth at once (not out of the ordinary). where's my anxiety? about a 5, higher than the first day ellen was sick. not comfortable. i want to run away. i want to go in my room and lock the door and cry and hit a pillow. but even then, i know the anxiety would continue. i am angry. i did SO well during this stomach bug. i feel defeated. i feel weak. i thought i had progressed. and, as always, life just keeps pushing me until i break. and it just sucks.

Monday, October 15, 2012


As any good stomach bug knows, the only thing better than 1 kid is 2! Ryan woke up in the middle of the night Thursday throwing up.
The good news is, both kiddos made it through unscathed. Ellen threw up once. As usual, Ryan got hit a bit harder and threw up 4 times throughout the night. Both were completely back to normal 12 hours after it started. In and out - my kind of bug.
The great news is that I did wonderfully. I was anxious for the first hour or so that I was home with the kids on Wednesday and then, just as the OCD program said, my anxiety came down and stayed down. I stayed at a 2 (out of 7) for most of the rest of the day.
When Ryan got sick I never got above a 3. Considering that my anxiety is generally more intense with him, I consider this a huge milestone. I was even able to lay with him right after he threw up - something I wouldn't have been able to do 4 months ago.
Do I want to do it again anytime soon? Nope. But not because I need a break or am scared. Because I hate seeing my kiddos feeling yucky. Progress feels good.

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Accidental genius

During our impromptu day off, Ellen has enjoyed being in her high chair coloring. At first I tried paper, but she just shoves it aside to color on the tray.

The Final Exam

"hey kate, wake up. ellen puked." doesn't matter how many times i hear that, it sucks to be woken up that way. our last stomach bug was at the end of june. putting us at about 3.5 months. frankly, i'm sick of it. i'm choosing to view this as the final exam of my OCD training. my anxiety is at a bearable 4-5 (out of 7) and i haven't cried or had the urge to run away. mostly i'm just mad that my kid is sick again. i just keep repeating "anxiety is just uncomfortable" to myself over and over. maybe next time we can have longer than 3 months between bugs....

Monday, October 08, 2012

you say quinoa, i say quinoa

i've been very interested in trying quinoa. i generally love grains of all types, so the prospect of a healthier option is right up my alley. the problem is, i was having trouble finding a recipe that sounded good to me. a preemie mom friend recommended the BBQ chicken quinoa salad from iowa girl eats. BBQ and a girl from iowa?! it was destined to be. i made this last night at about 7pm. i'm participating in a biggest loser competition with my preemie mom friends and have been doing a terrible job of managing my calories. i keep ending up in situations where i'm starving to the point that i have a headache and am a cranky butt. last night was that night. i came home from the grocery store and got working. i made sure to rinse the quinoa as suggested and used the hillshire farms precooked chicken. convenience is key at 7pm when you're crabby. it turned out less of a salad and more of a mess (i just mixed everything together instead of making it look pretty), but it was good! very filling and fairly low in calories. michael didn't care for it, but he generally doesn't like bottled barbeque sauce so i think that may have been the problem. the kids loved it and kept asking for more. i think we'll keep this one in rotation for nights michael works late.

That's Pinteresting! - best broccoli

i've made this broccoli a couple of times and i have to agree with the name - it really is the best broccoli of my life. the roasted flavor is outstanding and the cheese and garlic add some much needed flavor. the first time i followed the recipe to a T. it was good. this time i changed it up a little - skipped the lemon juice, added some basalmic vinegar (just a splash). delish. ryan didn't like the "barbeque sauce" (aka the roasted parts of the broccoli), but ellen loved it. we're keeping this one in rotation.

That's Pinteresting! - buffalo chicken sandwiches

we made these buffalo chicken sandwiches last week and they were great. the chicken stayed moist in the crockpot and the frank's red hot buffalo sauce wasn't too spicy. we served the kids something else because they generally don't care for any spice, but i thought they were very yummy. we were out of blue cheese dressing, but i picked some up and they're on the agenda for leftovers tomorrow!

Showing our gratitude

i saw a flyer at michael's (the store, not my husband) advertising that you can bring christmas cards for deployed soliders anytime before october 31st and they will send them overseas. ryan has been coloring 1 card each night after dinner and ellen is even getting in on it sometimes! a great way to show our appreciation for the men and women that won't be with their friends and families this holiday season.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Water beads

I broke out the water beads again today. A preemie mom friend suggested them and it's one of the kids' favorite activities. They are small little "beads" (available at craft stores) that are intended for use in floral arrangements to keep flowers watered. We use them as a sensory/fine motor skills activity. They feel like tiny bubbles in your hand! Very cool.