Saturday, September 24, 2011

No fair

My heart is broken. A fellow preemie mom lost her little boy to SIDS this morning. He was playing and happy and then she found him unresponsive during his nap. My heart hurts for their loss and I cannot stop thinking about it. And the best I can come up with is "no fair."
Today, all I care about is that my kids - my life - keep breathing. I don't care if Ryan screams for 15 minutes outside of pick n save or if Ellen gets up 20 times tonight. Because it means I still have them.
It all just hurts my heart. Please keep Sara and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

somethings gotta give

if there has been one theme to the last year, it's that you can't do it all. something eventually has to give.
today i'm home sick. apparently, my body has quit. the sinus issues that i've had over the past week or so have finally taken over. my head hurts. my feet hurt. my hair hurts. so now i'm stuck on the couch, unable to get anything done.
we've all heard it - you can do anything you put your mind to. and i have really embraced that in my life. i have a husband, 2 kids, 2 dogs, a good job, and a nice house (which i hope to move into in the next week or so, but that's a whole different story). i use coupons to save money, i try to exercise, i love watching tv, and i'm interested in photography. and, of course, there's always that ever-lingering CPA exam....
lately, especially with the house stuff coming to a head, i've realized something very important - when you try to do everything, nothing gets done well. my day starts at 6:30am and doesn't stop until 9pm. i make 1 trip to the house a day, usually pumping in the car on the way there or back. i work 8 hours. i try to spend quality time with both my husband and my kids. i'm exhausted at this point and haven't even considered things like laundry.
having 2 working parents is more of a logistical challenge than i thought it would be. michael and i are both successful at what we do. but if we were both in positions that really pushed us to meet our potential, no one would be around for the kiddos. so instead, i work in a position that isn't necessarily my dream job, but is flexible and pays the bills. and honestly, being ryan and ellen's mommy is my dream job - everything else is secondary.
soon our house will be done. we will be moved in and have enough space to really spread out. we will have a place for everything, which should make keeping an organized home a real possibility. there will be a schedule for cleaning.
with the house off my plate (at least the building part), i should be able to refocus my priorities. i would love to do more preschool activities with ryan. i would love to spend more time playing on the floor with ellen. i would love to cook a meal every now and again. and those other things can wait. sure, i'm not wearing a fit CPA that wears a suit every day while working to defend people against tax injustices, but i get to play trains and put together alphabet floor puzzles.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

6 years ago

Six years ago today I woke up at my parents' house, got my hair and makeup done and married my best friend.

Today I woke up to Ryan calling for daddy and the overwhelming smell of poop and spent the next half hour cleaning up more poop than I've ever seen come out of one individual.

But today i'm more in love with Michael and life than I could even have imagined 6 years ago.

Sent from my iPhone