Differences

Before I even got pregnant with Ellen, I wondered how I could love her like I love Ryan. I know it's the cliche, but I was worried. I fought so hard for him, through infertility, high-risk pregnancy, and the nicu. I fught for every developmental milestone, every ounce of forumla eaten and everynounce of breast milk pumped. Ellen was kind enough to try to level the playing field by being equally difficult to conceive and by giving me a scare with bleeding at 17 weeks, but she listened to me and stayednout the whole 39 weeks.
And a girl?! How was I supposed to raise a girl? I know boys. After 8 boys in the family, a girl was a complete change.
After almost 13 weeks (well, I realized it on day 1, but am writing it at 13 weeks), I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. Ellen is so wonderfully different than Ryan. I love her just as much, but in a completely different way and for completely different reasons.
When i look into ryan's eyes, i see myself. I see my sense of humor, my independent streak, my particularities. Ellen reminds me of her dad and everything I love about him. When I watch a wedding, I no longer think of my wedding, I think of hers. I wonder what it will be like and what her dress will look like. I know, however, that she will be the most beautiful bride ever.
When inseethem together, I couldn't be happier. The way Ryan cares for her and worries about her and the way she looks at him and smiles is miraculous. Sometimes I can't believe they are mine. Each of them with their similarities and differences.