Wednesday, April 20, 2011

the one where i complain...

i am a very, very lucky person. not much comes easily around here, but eventually it all works out. i have the most amazing husband, a beautiful baby boy, a baby girl on the way, and am *thisclose* to having my dream house. i have a wonderful support system and a fairly stable job (although the last few weeks have been a bit sketchy - thank you congress).

that being said, being 37 weeks pregnant while caring for a 2 year old and building a house is HARD. not a little bit hard, a lot a bit hard. if i had to choose, i would choose this path over the NICU path every single time, but that's not making this path any easier.

there is a lot to do. i have at least 1, if not 2 meetings scheduled every day between now and wednesday. drop off the builders risk insurance check, copy the HUD statement and deliver it, OB appointment, chiro appointment, closing, get a subsoil guarantee, pick out colors, meet with the photographer, blah, blah, blah. as my body grows more and more tired, i find myself with more and more on my plate. not to mention, i have to get my work inventory ready for someone else to take over.

this is not what we planned. we put our house on the market nearly a year before we sold it. it took us awhile to get pregnant again. i started working on building our house as soon as we found out we sold. yet here we are, closing less than a week before our baby girl is scheduled to debut. fingers crossed that she doesn't have the same interest in being dramatic as her brother and that she stays put until her scheduled arrival.

not to mention, this pregnancy stuff hurts. my pelvic bone cracks when i move after sitting in one position for too long. i didn't even know that was possible. the nausea has returned. last night was not pretty - i'll spare you the details.

and, to add insult to injury, my OCD is in hyperdrive. i wonder constantly if what i'm feeling is normal or if something is wrong. why am i nauseous? am i sick? is ryan going to get sick? OMG, i can't handle being sick right now, i'm too busy. and i can't even consider ryan being sick. i'm hopeful that when my hormones settle down my OCD will return to it's manageable level. at this point, i'm constantly worried that ryan is sick. constantly. if he is staring at the TV, i'm worried. if he doesn't eat a huge dinner, i worry. if he coughs, i worry. if he's quiet, i worry. the worry consumes me and i'm anxious for it to stop, or at least return to the point where i'm only freaking out when there's actually something to freak out about.

that's enough complaining i think. this last couple of weeks is a marathon and we're nearing the finish line. i have no doubt that the rewards will be worth the effort.

1 comment:

Kelsey said...

Hi there! I found your blog link on an old message board and after reading a couple of your posts, I wanted to say hi.

We have a lot in common...I'm also pregnant with my second (I have a 16 month old son and am due with a girl in June). My first pregnancy went 40+ weeks with zero complications but this time around I haven't been so lucky. I'm 32w5d and on hospital bedrest thanks to placenta previa. I read that you had the good ol' pp with your son and would love to chat with you over email if you're interested in sharing more about your experience.

Congrats on making it to full term! I'm so glad that you're finally getting to experience all those uncomfortable aspects of being hugely pregnant. :)

Kelsey
kelsey(dot)boyd(at)yahoo(dot)com